Gratitude comes in various forms. It can be stealthy (that sense of warmth when the sun breaks through after a gray week) or hard won (appreciating a short-tempered teenager). But researchers and practitioners agree that gratitude must be cultivated to become part of our daily routine.

“Gratitude as a passing feeling is spontaneous,” says Brendan Cournane, a certified professional development coach specializing in well-being and mindfulness, and author of Seeking Serenity: Finding Happiness by Embracing Your Present Attitude. “Anybody who practices mindfulness or meditation has moments of gratitude daily, even several times a day, but that’s not the same as developing a practice.”

The distinction matters most, he emphasizes, during times when gratitude doesn’t come naturally, such as when we’re late for work, blindsided by an angry spouse or absorbing someone else’s bad day. “By developing gratitude as a practice and as a part of our lives, we allow ourselves to pause and acknowledge that no matter how challenging this moment is, there is something to be grateful for.”

 

Build New Pathways in the Brain

According to David R. Hamilton, Ph.D., a bestselling author and speaker on the science of kindness and well-being, whose newest book is The Joy of Actually Giving a F*ck: How Kindness Can Cure Stress and Make You Happy, the key to turning any practice into a consistent habit is neuroplasticity—the brain’s capacity to reorganize itself based on repetition.

“Anything that is consistent can shape your brain networks and build a habit. That’s when a gratitude practice becomes a habit,” he explains, comparing the concept to cutting a new trail across a cornfield. “There’s already a path that’s been made. But suppose you decide to walk another path. Initially, that takes a little bit of work. But as you walk it daily, it becomes a habit. The old path begins to overgrow because the brain doesn’t want to waste energy.”

Cournane observes a similar transformation in his coaching work: “We know through neuroplasticity that our brain waves can change, and by forming a gratitude practice, we can transform all of our circumstances into something more positive.”

Hamilton and Cournane’s experiences align with research findings. A 2023 systematic review and meta-analysis published in the einstein (São Paulo) journal, which analyzed 64 randomized clinical trials, found that gratitude interventions were associated with greater life satisfaction and significantly reduced anxiety and depression symptoms. The participants also reported more positive moods, greater optimism and less worry. Additional research summarized by the American Brain Foundation indicates that practicing gratitude activates the brain’s reward system, reduces the amygdala’s stress reactivity and, with repeated practice, reorganizes neural pathways between neurons.

 

Be Specific, Not General

Both experts agree that gratitude must be specific to truly resonate. “‘I’m grateful for my wife’ is too generic,” says Cournane. “Instead, ‘I’m grateful for my wife because we walked along the lakefront holding hands and enjoying the sunset’ is specific and activates more brain receptors.” Sensory details are key: “I see the sunset. I hear the wind and the waves along the shore. I feel her hand’s touch. I smell the air from the water or trees in the park.”

Another powerful shift suggested by Cournane is saying, “I’m grateful my sister called when I felt overwhelmed and she reminded me I wasn’t alone,” instead of “I’m grateful for my family.” This specificity enhances the gratitude practice and its benefits.

 

Gratitude Is Not Forced Positivity

Neither Hamilton nor Cournane suggests that gratitude replaces grief or hardship. “When challenging things have happened, it’s like, ‘I’ve made it through this day. I managed to get out of bed this morning,’” says Hamilton. After his father’s death, his gratitude practice shifted. “I could remember all these great things about him, and that became something I could hold onto. We tend to only turn inside when we’re faced with difficulties and challenges in our life because there’s nothing else in the outside world that’s giving us any happiness. So all you’re left with is: ‘I’m still here.’”

Cournane offers a psychological perspective on why gratitude helps during conflict or stress. “The brain cannot hold two opposite feelings or thoughts or emotions simultaneously. I can’t be angry and grateful at the same time,” he remarks, adding that seeking gratitude in difficult moments isn’t about denying the challenge. It’s about avoiding taking it out on the nearest person.

 

Turn Thankfulness Into Action

Gratitude does not have to remain private, according to both practitioners. Hamilton points to research showing that people consistently misjudge the impact of a compliment. “We underestimate how grateful people would be if we paid them a compliment,” he says. “At the same time, we overestimate how much we think it will annoy them.” Voicing appreciation, he notes, can even have a physical effect: Connection triggers a release of oxytocin—the kindness hormone—that helps regulate blood pressure.

Cournane shares a smaller, more recent example. When ordering a sandwich, the woman behind the counter said, “It looks like you’ve been working hard today, so you deserve a nice sandwich.” He returned the compliment and saw her face light up. “There’s a mutual respect, a mutual give-and-take that stimulates gratitude and other positive emotions within us,” he says.

For families looking to build this habit together, Hamilton recommends a gratitude jar. Everyone writes what they’re thankful for on slips of paper throughout the year, then opens the jar on a meaningful date. This can become a very emotional bonding experience that the family may want to repeat every year.

 

Start Small, Stay Committed

Growing our capacity for gratitude requires practice. “Begin with 30 seconds or a minute, and soon half an hour or an hour will feel manageable,” counsels Cournane, who begins his daily gratitude practice by drinking a glass of water. “I appreciate having clean, fresh water, which not only is healthy for me but also reinforces the positive benefits I’m experiencing.”

Psychologist Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., professor emeritus at the University of California, Davis, has dedicated much of his career to this field. In Gratitude Works!: A 21-Day Program for Creating Emotional Prosperity, he describes sustained practice as a journey toward emotional prosperity—not the absence of hardship, but an inner richness and resilience regardless of circumstances. When practiced consistently and with specificity, gratitude is more than a mood; it is an infrastructure built one small, repeatable moment at a time until it becomes a natural path, like a well-trodden trail across a field.

 

Habits Can Lead to Real Change

 

• The One-Memory Journal: Write three sentences about a specific moment of support, kindness or relief.
  
  
• The Specific Thank-You: Clearly tell someone what they did and why it mattered. We underestimate how much it will mean to them.
  
  
• The Gratitude Reframe. When stressed, ask, “What is still here to support me?”
  
  
• The Gratitude-to-Behavior Step. Choose one thing to be grateful for and let it guide an action. This could be a text, a call, a note or a moment of patience.
  
  
• Start Small. A daily and consistent practice, even if imperfect, is more effective than sporadic efforts.
  
  

Megy Karydes is a Chicago-based writer and author of 50 Ways to More Calm, Less Stress.